Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

You are like me, then.

And the sadness?

I was tired of trying and failing.

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For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

The sadness was still there.

Be who you already are.

Is it possible that my TF caused a kundalini awakening in another person? He is famous because He is a singer. We have not met physically yet, but I have gone through kundalini awakening and DNOTS and their ongoing. I have also had soul recognition so I know for sure that He is my Divine Counterpart and I do not have any doubts about it. But it is indeed perplexing that somebody had an awakening at the physical level because of Him. Is it a test for me? I have a mixture of feelings. On one hand I marvelled at Him and empathised with the person and on the other, I doubt if this just a test for me. I would appreciate your pov. Thank you for much.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

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Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I had run out of hope.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s still here.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Why do Brits drive a lot more dangerously compared to Americans? Is there just no courtesy when driving in the UK?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

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In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Why am I peeing so much without drinking a lot of water? I checked my blood sugar and it is normal. Could it be something else?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

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I was tired of fighting.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

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Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s here now, writing to you.